Back at Spinner's End
by Chibi Animagus
Summary: PostHalfBlood Prince. SPOILER WARNING. Oneshot: thoughts of the beloved greasy git, Severus Snape.


A/N: WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS. If you have not finished HBP, read at your own risk. This was my response to the surprising events of book 6. As you might gather, I am wholeheartedly with those who still trust Snape. I love Sev too much to just let him go. And if you scrape up the details from some parts with Snape, I think this "Sev is still good" theory has a lot of merit. Reviewers get cookies! Just a one-shot thing.

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When all was said and done, Severus Snape knew that he would always be known as a traitor. A cold, heartless murderer. A man so cruel and so blinded by power that he would do anything to achieve what he wanted. A Slytherin through and through, they would say.

And he was. Severus Snape had no doubt in his mind that the Sorting Hat had judged well in its placement of him; in the house dedicated to those who would let nothing stand in the way of their objectives. But Snape knew that loyalty was not among the traits that came to mind when one said "Slytherin House". Or "Death Eather", for that matter. No, Snape thought bitterly, they will always remember me as a traitor, and a cowardly one at that.

Coward… The word had stung more than anything else on that cursed night. The idiot boy had the thickest skull. Did it ever occur to him that perhaps the Headmaster knew more than he? That Albus Dumbledore made decisions without consulting him, the precious 'Chosen One', because he was older and wiser? The boy would not have understood, anyway. He would have thrown it all away, everything he, Severus Snape, had worked for. And for nothing but a momentary victory, for the Headmaster would have died within the hour, the Malfoy child murdered at the hands of his fellow comrades, and Potter himself gotten himself killed and sealed the grisly fate of the entire wizarding world. Snape knew that all would have been lost if not for what he had done…

… And yet, even back at Spinner's End, in the oppressive silence of his study, Severus Snape could feel the pain creeping up on him. The overwhelming guilt that raged behind his mind, threatening at any second to overpower him. Snape shook his head, breathing hard, and shoved the pain away with dry eyes, knowing that he could not afford to break down, not now, not ever, until this war was won.

Snape knew that few were aware of just how far he had been pulled in. Unfathomably deep, he realized with a shudder, as he ran a trembling, slender hand through the greasy curtain that hung in front of his face. Snape wondered for a moment if even the Dark Lord himself would be able to keep this kind of a story straight all the time. With the addition of Crutacious Curses and the constant questioning and suspicion he received from the rest of His lot, Severus Snape wondered again how he managed. Any other day, he would have been proud at the thought that he, the Half-Blood Prince, had tricked the Dark Lord into trusting him so completely, but today he felt only numbness. He let out a long, shuddering breath, and wondered where the elf-made wine had gone.

A coward, Potter says… A coward, of all things. So I was cowardly to obey Dumbledore's wishes, cowardly to stand on that cursed tower amongst the Dark Lord's scum, knowing full well that, for the sake of the rest of the wizarding world, I would have to murder the one man that stood between my troubled mind and madness? The one man that trusted me, who knew me for who I was?

Snape's thoughts went unbidden to memories of lonely Christmas mornings, of a meager stack of presents he could have sworn the old man had forced out of the staff, of his obnoxious tea-time visits, of lemon drops, of that damned twinkle in his eye and that knowing smile… of all the times that infuriating old man had told him that everything would be all right, that someday someone would understand him, Severus Snape, the greasy git, and learn to love him through it all.

The old man was wrong, he thought, as his breath came sharply, no one could love him. No one would ever understand… And no one and nothing… could ever make this right.

A hurried knock at the front door. Wormtail was back. Snape paused a moment to calm his breathing, to clear his mind of all sentimental thoughts. He straightened, drew himself up with his trademark sneer. Severus Snape would hold his head high. He would pick himself up as he always did, and again and again until this war was over… Until the Potter brat managed to accomplish the impossible. For now, he was probably far from here, and good riddance.

Until all was said and done, Severus Snape would play his part.

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A/N: So what did you think? I'm not one for one-shots, but I couldn't not do this after what happened.

About my other fic, "Reason Enough"… I think the events of HBP kinda killed it. What do you think? Should I keep going, or make a new one that takes the plot twist into account? I'm leaning towards a new fic. Review and tell me what you think, or email me at Thanks.


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